Back To College

This is my eighth consecutive year of sending one of my children back to college. My son just entered his senior year so this is also my last send off. I have become accustomed to the packing of clothes, desk supplies and bedding as the summer comes to an end. But I have to admit there is still that tug at my heart as my young adult goes off to college for another year.

For those of you who are newbies to this and seeing your very first born off to a dorm somewhere, I'd like to pass on some advice. It is a very emotional moment when you realize that this child that you have raised for 18 years and greeted each day at the end of their school day will not be sleeping in their own bed, in your home, for the school semester. They might pop in now and then if they are attending college nearby, otherwise you'll see them at Thanksgiving.

It is a strange feeling. You will worry about how they are getting along. Are they eating? Are they studying? Who is their roommate? What time did they get in last night? In other words, you will worry.

You might hope that they change their mind and decide to be a commuter student at a local college. They probably will not. Why? Because even though you are filled with worries and apprehensions, your child will be having the greatest experience of their life. They will most likely love living at their college. They will make friends. They will eat. They will stay out late. They will have a wonderful four years.

During this time they will learn how to make decisions on their own, grow up and become independent. They will learn how to do laundry. You will get a call now and then if they have a problem with the credit card at the bookstore or if they want you to send them their favorite shirt that they left behind, but mostly the calls will have to be initiated by you, the parent.

I laugh at myself when I look back at how emotional I was when my oldest first went off to college. But the bonds of parenthood are strong and it is hard to let go. My daughter certainly adjusted better than I did that first year. But while I was dwelling on all of my imagined fears, something came into my mind from my children's elementary school days. I thought about one of the open school nights and the principal spoke to all of the parents before they were to meet their child's teacher for that year. She explained the role of parents in their children's lives and she said that parents give their children two things: roots and wings.

While missing my college student, I began to look back over the years. I started to remember the first day of nursery school when you first separate from your little three-year-old and how difficult that can be. Then I thought about the first full day of school for your kindergarten child and how they were away from home for longer hours. I thought about them going off to high school and after-school activities and friends and separating even more from the home. Then the driver's license and more independence. I could see how the wings were growing with each new-found freedom that my children enjoyed. Now finally off to college, on their own. I had given them the wings over the years and now they were flying. Ah, but the roots had been growing also, since the beginning at their birth. The roots were the family, the home where they grew up, the value system that was instilled in them.

Yes, the wings would help them to become independent adults, which is the goal of raising children. The roots, will bring them always back, even when they are on their own.