Through a Parent's Eyes

I was waiting on line at the deli counter, ticket in hand, my number was the next one up. Standing beside me was a woman giving her order to the person behind the counter. She seemed a bit frantic as she placed her order. She wasn't getting the usual sliced cold cuts but asking the deli person to cut the roast beef in one big chunk and inquiring if this could be eaten a few days from then and still be alright. She was also ordering other cooked foods and had the same questions: How long could they stay fresh if they weren't eaten until several days? I just stood there quietly, minding my business, pretending not to notice her conversation. I guess she felt compelled to explain herself. She began to tell me that her son had just found his first job after graduating from college and was off to another city a few hours away. She had wanted to make his first week easier by providing him with meals to eat each night when he came home from work. I told her that I understood how she felt because my own son was now living off campus and not under a school meal plan. We moms never stop worrying about our children no matter how old they are.

One of my favorite commercials on television is the one where the dad is giving instructions to his daughter who is about to drive off in the car. The girl looks about four or five-years-old. Then it cuts back to the dad, giving her more cautions about calling him when she arrives at her destination but not calling while she is driving. When the next frame cuts back to the girl, you see that she is actually in her late teens or perhaps even twenty-years-old. The viewer then realizes that the dad sees his daughter as this young child driving a car. I always find it very amusing because I believe that parents often see their children in this way no matter how grown up they are.

I accompanied my son one weekend to BJ's to help him purchase some meat to cook for dinners. As he put some raw chicken into the cart, I remember worrying about salmonella on the kitchen counter and would he wash his hands properly after handling the meat. So I asked him if he knew how to prepare raw chicken since he never cooked more than an egg at home. Well, he must've been watching me somehow over the years because he knew exactly how to safely prepare raw chicken. I was surprised but pleased. I am sure that the woman that I saw in the deli also had a son who would manage quite well working and preparing or getting something for himself to eat.

We parents of adult children sometimes need to take a look and really see our children as they are. We see them as small children, four or five-years-old, who still need us to help with routine chores. I once read that our group of parents are known as "helicopter" parents always hovering over our grown, adult children. Some of these "helicopter" parents have even called up prospective employers to ask why their child did not get a particular job or to complain to a current boss for unfair treatment of their child. Where does this end? It is good to take a step back and realize that if we did our job when they were actually small, then they must now learn for themselves. Believe me they will. If they fall, they will learn to get up by themselves. We can be loving and supportive parents to our adult children. But sometimes we may need to take those few steps back as they figure it all out for themselves. After all, our parents did just that for us when we were grown.