College Bound: What Parents Should Say

As parents rush around preparing their college-bound students for the big move away, they may have a gnawing feeling that they’ve forgotten something. 

The tuition bill is paid, the health insurance waiver form has been signed, the bedding picked out, the orientation attended…so what are they missing? 

Maybe in all the commotion parents have forgotten to communicate what’s on their mind to their child or maybe such a discussion just feels too awkward.  Regardless of the reason it hasn’t happened, parents should take the time to convey their thoughts for their own peace of mind and well as for their children’s sense of security- and it can even be done in a writing.

Although the parent/child relationship is very individual to the particular family, there are some common messages parents may wish to pass on to their kids, such as:

Stay connected  

It’s easy for teens, newly immersed in the academic and social life of college, to lose track of  life outside of campus, and in particular back home.  Parents should make clear that  it is important for their kids to touch base on a regular basis (recognizing that what is “regular” varies from family to family), and it can even be done as they cross campus before or after class through a quick call on the cell phone.

Branch out

As wonderful as high school may have been, college should not be a mere extension of it.  Living away at college provides enormous opportunities for students to try new things, to take different kinds of courses and to meet people who are diverse culturally and geographically.  Kids should not just join the clubs that those on their floor are considering or limit themselves to conventional studies.  One  girl took up “flag dancing” at Binghamton University even though none of her friends were interested and wound up choreographing numbers, much to her delight,  and learning that she was a natural at African dance.

Another student  took a seminar on the Holocaust at the University of Miami which took place outside the classroom, in one-on-one enlightening sessions with a Holocaust survivor. 

Allow for Time to Adjust

Many students go off to college imagining that they will be immediately enthralled and soon discover otherwise.  Finding the right friends may take some effort; doing laundry and other tasks that were handled by parents at home is time consuming, living with a roommate requires patience and handling a rigorous course load may be challenging.  It is normal to feel a little homesick and overwhelmed. Students should know that they can always come home if they are truly unhappy but that they need to give themselves an opportunity to acclimate.

Keep Healthy Habits

Freshmen, in particular, seem to catch everything from the common cold to mono. To stave off illness, students should try to catch up on sleep after they have had late nights and take vitamins daily.They should also remember to be as sanitary as possible, for example, by wearing flip flops in the shower, given the communal bathroom and shared living space. 

Do not Ignore University Charges

Often students will be charged by the school for a lost key or a parking or other violation, and ignore the charge. They may decide not tell their parents for fear of punishment. Students should know that they can tell their parents about these incidents-- regardless of who in the family is ultimately responsible for the payment,  but that failure to pay the charge can have broad reaching consequences.  In some instances, universities will lock students out of future course registrations, for example, for an unpaid charge.

Know the “Go To” People

Whether it’s an academic concern, a mental health issue or a dispute with a roommate, students should feel secure that there are people on campus to offer help or guidance.  Students should know that each hall in a dorm typically has an assigned older student, called  a resident assistant (R.A.) to handle daily matters, each academic department usually has an adviser to address curriculum issues, and every college has a health center to help with mental and physical concerns.  Most importantly, students know but should be told one more time, that their parents are also always there to listen to any problem and that they are but a call or visit away.